Before You Cut Someone Off: A Call for Compassion, Insight, and Care
Lately, I’ve noticed a growing number of posts on social media urging people to “remove the toxic person from your life,” “protect your peace,” or “know your worth.” Often, these messages also compare behaviors, suggesting that if someone doesn’t show love or support in a certain way, they’re not truly committed to the relationship. Whether the examples involve parents, grandparents, siblings, or friends, the underlying theme is the same: distance yourself from anyone who falls short.
While some of these messages stem from an important truth about setting boundaries and creating safety, the conversation around them often becomes overly simplified, and that oversimplification can unintentionally cause harm.
Social media is full of messages that sound empowering: “If someone makes you uncomfortable, cut them off.” It’s a sentiment that resonates for many, especially for those who have endured harmful, one-sided, or chaotic relationships. However, these messages must be delivered and received with the utmost consideration.
Are there times when it’s imperative to create safety and distance from a harmful relationship? Absolutely.
Are there dysfunctional patterns that create chaos, confusion, and emotional harm in our lives? Without question.
Sometimes, people are not in a place where they can recognize the harm they cause. They may be unwilling or unable to hear feedback or to take responsibility for their part. In these cases, going no contact can be a necessary and healthy boundary. Still, that decision, like all significant relational choices, carries both positive and painful consequences. Moving through it well requires intentional steps, support, and ongoing reflection.
The truth is, there are many deeply layered factors that contribute to relationship strain. Unfortunately, when these social media messages are generalized, they are often interpreted as justification for cutting people off or as a way to project misplaced blame and shame. Sometimes, they can even give permission to avoid one’s own accountability or the difficult self-examination required for true growth and repair. The truth is, sometimes we simply don’t want to look at our own stuff, especially when it feels easier to focus on someone else’s flaws.
When that happens, we lose valuable opportunities to build resilience, process pain, strengthen communication skills, and practice healthy boundaries.
Mindful “Exercising” of Your Mental Health
As you navigate your relationships, consider whether what you’re reading or practicing truly supports your well-being. A healthy approach to mental wellness involves:
Valuing honest self-evaluation and accountability
Cultivating personal growth, even through discomfort
Developing deeper self-understanding and perspective
Learning self-regulation, the ability to calm and center yourself when emotions run high
These are the skills that foster real healing and relational repair, not the insulation from discomfort that some quick-fix narratives encourage.
When we adopt overly simplified or defensive perspectives, we risk perpetuating the very cycles we’re trying to end: ongoing conflict, emotional reactivity, and even generational alienation. These dynamics ripple beyond the immediate relationship, touching extended family, friends, and communities.
A Compassionate Pause
Mental health challenges will touch most of us at some point in our lives, in varying degrees. In those moments, I invite you to practice self-compassion first, and then extend that compassion outward. Pause before judging or assuming you understand what’s behind someone’s behavior. Practice humility, both toward yourself and toward others.
Opening the door to honest conversation about what’s happening is one of the most powerful ways to destigmatize mental health challenges and access the guidance that leads to healing both individually and relationally.
There are, of course, times when distance truly is the only answer. When conversations go in circles, boundaries are dismissed, or you find yourself questioning your own reality. Those experiences can be confusing and painful, especially when gaslighting or emotional manipulation is involved. In those moments, choosing distance isn’t avoidance. It’s an act of self-preservation and clarity. Exercising our mental health helps us recognize red flags and destructive patterns more quickly, so that our decisions come from grounded awareness rather than exhaustion or reactivity. And still, when safety allows, it can be meaningful to pause and ask whether there’s room for repair, understanding that not all relationships are meant to be restored, but all can be learned from.
In a world that often promotes separation as self-preservation, let’s remember that healing, whether individual or relational, begins with understanding, compassion, and the willingness to stay curious. We are often more resilient than we realize. We learn, we adapt, and we heal, one courageous step at a time.
We keep showing up~
Heidi
Are you struggling with this?
If your answer is “yes,” you are not alone. At The Knowing Place, we offer a variety of approaches because we understand that there’s no one clear path. Reach out today to find the best fit for you.
About the Author
Heidi Simon, MSW, LICSW, CCTP, Master Certified Life Coach — With decades of experience in hospice care, trauma-informed therapy, and life coaching—and the lived experience of profound loss—Heidi brings both professional expertise and heartfelt presence to her work.
